What I No Longer Carry - A Poem by Candace L. Smith - No Earthly Good

What I No Longer Carry

by Candace L. Smith

I once believed

hell waited for me somewhere beyond this life—

a distant fire,

a final judgment.

But I have walked through it here,

quietly,

lovingly,

while smiling.

I have burned in rooms where my giving was expected,

where my prayers were required,

where my silence was mistaken for strength.

I mistook survival for holiness.

I mistook exhaustion for devotion.

I mistook sacrifice for love.

But I am learning.

Hell is not a place I fear anymore.

It is a lesson I recognize.

It is staying too long.

It is giving without return.

It is loving without protection.

Now, I carry my heart differently.

I hold my faith with open hands,

not clenched fists.

I no longer bleed to prove I care.

I no longer disappear to keep the peace.

I no longer offer my cup to those who refuse to pour back.

What I carry now is lighter—

discernment,

truth,

rest.

And if this is what survival looks like,

then let it be said:

I walked through hell

and came back

with my spirit intact.

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